5:00AM Thursday July 10, 2008
This week there have been reports of an incident between my former partner and me two and a half years ago. I deeply regret what happened and have done so since it occurred.
On the night in question I agreed to let Kristin come over to my house. Following dinner we had a major disagreement and we argued for a long time. In the end my frustration took over. I broke, and lashed out in anger – something I will regret until the end of my days.
Some of what’s been said by the media is untrue, but again, no excuses.
It’s the thing I will most regret in my life. I have lived with that on my conscience ever since and I will always do so. I make no excuse for what I did, except to say at the time my relationship with Kristin had just ended. I was working seven days a week and two stressful jobs and was emotionally and physically exhausted. I was taking medication for the exhaustion. I was at the lowest ebb of my life and I needed help, but again, it was inexcusable. In the long period after the event took place we remained in contact with each other.he reason I have not spoken until now is that Kristin and I made an agreement about confidentiality because we did not want this to play out in the public.
That agreement included payment to Kristin for loss of income and distress I caused her. I had no wish to breach that confidentiality, but because of the growing controversy and the positions I hold and the standards of behaviour those positions demand, I feel it important to offer some words of explanation and I have no desire to put Kristin through any further distress.
Following the incident I undertook weekly counselling for a year, counselling which enabled me to form the relationship I now have with my wife, Zoe. Indeed, I told Zoe what had happened shortly after we started seeing each other. She has been completely supportive and I am grateful beyond words for that support and for her love.
Once again I know what I did was wrong and it will never happen again.
I apologise to Kristin. I apologise to TVNZ and the Radio Network for the embarrassment this has caused them and I sincerely apologise to the New Zealand public. Thank you.
For those who are interested, the NZ Herald has a large blog containing varying views on the subject. Some are reasonable, some shocking.
http://blogs.nzherald.co.nz/blog/your-views/2008/7/9/should-tony-veitch-keep-his-tvnz-and-radio-sport-jobs/?c_id=1501154
It is interesting that the Herald chose the question ‘should he keep his job’ as the topic.
There is no macho culture in NZ. (Do you remember that great 1980s song, there is no depression in NZ when the unemployment rate was 20%) Yea right!
Was it a tongue “lashing” Tony or did you bash your partner in your home to break her back in four places?
Get rid of Tony Veitch – then he will really be sorry…and get rid that Sportstalk cafe – which celebrate male violence and 4 year old boy toilet talk.
– Jacqui
Veitch says, “I make no excuse for what I did”, and then proceeds to list a few. Not the sign of a truly remorseful man. As Jacqui says, losing his job is the only thing that will really make him sorry and removing him from his public pedestal is surely the only possible course of action for a decent society. I for one would not be able to stomach seeing him on our television screen. Hopefully I’m one of many!
-Tania
I am so shocked that Veitch has even broached the subject this weekend of appearing as a ‘remorseful’ spokesperson for the anti-violence campaign. Thank goodness the Preventing Violence in the Home campaign spokeswoman immediately replied that he has not shown remorse and would not be welcome in this role. One good piece of media coverage was the comment in today’s Herald by Tapu Misa – an apparently courageous stance in our media!
Anita.
If Tony Veitch isn’t fired its protest time!!
What he did was truly shocking, although unfortunately that kind of violence is a common part of NZ’s culture. I’m glad that this debate places the spot light on violence, because it is so prevalent in our society and attitudes towards it desperately need to be changed.
I read the NZ Herald blog on Tony Veitch, thanks for posting that. Some of the viewpoints are from the classic ‘blame the victim’ angle;
‘Before passing judgement on Tony Veitch, you have to know whether he was provoked.
It’s like self defence, which can get you off the hook for killing someone. I know of plenty of men and women who wind their partner up through unreasonable behaviour, and lo and behold one day the poor person at the end of the provocation snaps and is seen to be the bad girl/guy.’
And this one;
‘I don`t condone such ‘power games’ and men being violent with their partner, but that woman should blame herself. Bad judgement of character. Next time choose your man wisely. Case closed.’
I think NZers really need to look at the roots of violence in our society and work towards a culture of less tolerence of it.
I’m not an expert on violence and the way to prevent it, but not having a sports presenter with a brutal history of violence would be a good start in my opinion.
I don’t think his ‘frustration’ is an excuse. He must have had serious issues….to need one year counselling. Only marketing him (as spokesperson) for ‘say to no to violence’, makes him appear to be, like some type of ‘hero’. The attitude of (‘I hit my partner & it was wrong & i needed help’) But, why now? If he was that remorseful for his actions, he would have done this – before the ‘stoplight’ was put on him,…not merely to keep his job. Then, maybe he would have been better spokeperson for ‘say no to violence’. He would’nt have tried to ‘hide’ what would always be disclosed in public knowledge. Personal integrity…admits wrong doing – when it happens, not after. With no personal integrity, how can anyone take his statements on television, or advertising campaigns seriously? I like what Women’s Affairs minister Lianne Dalziel, said in her 2005 speech, which I remember – ‘how we must commit to consistant messages at every level – zero violence does not allow different standards, to different people…..we still have the ‘it was her fault’ mentality in society…..for 2-3 decades permissiveness has gone unchecked, domestic violence is rampant, the ‘macho’ image encouraged by advertising, and aggressive behavour and violence in sport has become accepted.’ It seems that different standards have been applied to him. Today’s society, you can be guilty of ‘assault’ merely on the basis of the other party feeling threatened (regardless of physical contact)….if intention is established. “panic” & “frustration” is no excuse….I know may gay/lesbian people…..’I wonder how many of them could have used that excuse when they felt frustrated…when every day they walked down the street and had to ignore anti-homosexual and hateful remarks?’ The degree to which you ‘excuse’ your behavour as being wrong…will be the degree to which you exercise self-control! If you never thought it was WRONG in the first place…the likelihood (I believe)…you never will!
I’m sorry but when it comes down to it, he is a good guy. Although there is absolutely no excuse for beating your partner, a lot of people are brainwashed by what you would see as privatized exploitation. APN and TV3 are privately owned and in saying that, TVNZ are also talking about Veitch. Yet they are exposing Veitch as someone beyond to what he really is. This is in order to gain profit on for its investors.
To get rid of Game of Two Halves is stupid as well due to the comedy that is much needed within TV1 and TVNZ. Not only do men enjoy it but so do women who watch and/or participate (eg: Sarah Ulmer, My Partner).
I give no remorse for his actions but I do for how the public views what he did. I know “Violence is not okay” but will people ever forgive him for what he did? If you have advertisements that say “Violence is not okay” and hold them against it for the rest of there lives, then doesn’t it contradict the message of “the biggest barrier to recovery is discrimination”.
I’m not attacking anyone on this blog, please don’t get me wrong but some comments on this are narrow minded, unfair and have no real evidence to why he should be banned and removed apart from his STUPID STUPID out lash on his previous partner. Maybe beat him up and then leave him? 😛 JJ
CM-213
FIRST let me say that FEMINISM has nothing to do with this case. Domestic violence isn’t limited to just MEN.
Don’t get me wrong, I think what Tony Veitch did is very bad, but I don’t think that a public figures personal life has anything to do with you or I. I think that the publicity surrounding this story is media driven tripe.
The facts are these- Kristin accepted 160,000 dollars to be silenced. Why is this? What does she want to hide?
– After taking the money, the story is released, and now she is pressing charges. No matter how bad Veitch may be, his condition is now far worse than the crime justified- bearing in mind that if she had gone through the legal system she would have received far less in compensation.
– Nobody can pass judgment, as nobody knows how he was feeling when the event happened but him – so don’t say he hasn’t got an excuse.
Whether he gets fired or not has nothing to do with anybody. If you don’t like him, don’t watch him.
It’s stupid. Leave him alone. We can compare this to Michael Jackson. The media blew everything out of proportion because they decided to do their own investigations.
Whenever the media acts detective, people get more than they deserve.
In the Case of Veitch, I think he covered himself with the 160k, and obviously Kristin thought so too, until the media got a hold of it, and PUT THE PRESSURE ON to make a COMPLAINT. WHERE IS THE INTEGRITY?
COME ON LADIES! Women lie too, and this is a classic example. Veitch has been through enough. The fact that the media found out is bad enough.
but i know that in submitting this piece, that none of you will agree. Its like arguing with a brick wall. Hell, its like arguing with a woman.
Funny that.
just spicing up the debate a little!
when a man hits a woman, and continues a well-known and recognized trend in violence against women, it automatically becomes a feminist issue. removing the issue from its context, for example in treating it as a “mere” case of assault, strips the incident of its specific place in discourse. domestic violence is, surely, named so as to allow for it to be an issue relevant to women, and concerning the relations between men and women in a domestic sphere. the Veitch case cannot be discussed as separate to this context, as it occurred within his home, and as a result of their domestic relationship. when women are mistreated and assaulted by men with whom they have been in any sort of a relationship with, it IS a feminist issue. thats what the term means, it has no positive or negative connotations if used correctly, it merely views ideas from a female perspective. i think that the many discussions and opinions on this subject are focusing on the idea of domestic violence, and using this case as a means for discussion. can there be anything wrong in demonising violent against women,as the media are at the moment?
Back the truck up buddy.. geez, trying to get a bite obviously.. i gladly oblige. No one really thinks that violence ONLY happens men on women but educate yourself and read some stats cos it doesnt make for good reading.. Men also suffer from mental, physical and sexual abuse but unfortunatly the likelihood of it happening to a women is far greater and a majority of men who are abused are abused by men.. second point, public figures quite frankly ask for it when they behave in a disorderly fashion. Its part of the job and you can’t like the flash of the camera’s just when it suits. Work some where low key if you want to get away with kicking the shit out of someone you love without your name being dragged thru the media. And dont even go there with micheal jackson.. if you recall the investigation was started when he admitted he liked sleeping with little boys in his bed to a british documentary maker.. should we all keep silent and let those kinda horrific situations continue? or shall we all be brave enough to stand up and say no abuse to ANYONE is tolerated?
Talking to brick walls eh? maybe your talking to the wrong adiuence..
P.s I most certainly dont agree with that women taking 160,000 of Tony then laying charges.. thats abit naff.
In the words of the women’s refuge annual campaign: Domestic violence is not a women’s issue but a human rights issue. http://www.womensrefuge.org.nz/
I don’t know veitch personally so I don’t know if he is basically a nice guy or not.
What I do know is that domestic violence is a huge issue in New Zealand, and it’s inexcusable. Regardless of whether he was feeling tired, whether she provoked him, regardless of the circumstances, when somebody is bashed so badly their back is broken in 4 places, I don’t think there can be any justification. This goes for whether the victim is a man or a woman.
It’s possible the media has blown this out of proportion, but I suppose that is one of the downsides to being a ‘famous’ figure in society. In any case I am glad he is taking counselling and I hope he is learning/has learned to manage his anger better.
I guess what really gets me is how surprised/shocked people are: this is not a new problem. I think if there is anything we should take from this it is that it puts the spotlight back on domestic violence as a problem in New Zealand, and hopefully raises awareness. Maybe people will think twice before venting their frustration through violence.
Come on ladies leave him alone? Domestic violence is predominately a women’s issue. Any search of NZ case law – of domestic violence, affirms this fact. I don’t think his condition is far worse than the crimes justified. This is not (I believe) a classic case, of a women lieing. The purpose of court procedings (in any legal case) of sexual or violent nature – if your a women….is not so much, to gain compensation….but to hold the offender accountable for their actions. I think its narrow minded and stupid to say that the evidence wasn’t there….as the evidence is clearly visible….she only made a statement…because the Police were already doing investigations. Feminism in history…..women where treat like property – to the man….to do as he pleases. Thank God, those days are gone!!! So, yes – it is a feminism issue. Gone are the days of violence or disrespect to women….although I’m sure a lot of males, would love to remain in the 19th Century.
Yes thank god that those days are gone and yes gone with the days of violence and violations for women. It’s what happens when you are only brought up from your mother. But its stupid to think that he is the only one in the wrong within this situation.
“Everyday Feminism” should also review the fact of her wrong doings.
Why didnt she visit the police when she had the opportunity to do so when this first happened?
Why did she accept $160,000? She would have already had a comfortable lifestyle to be dating a television star.
Also, on the fact of the situation. Shouldn’t you/we also be pushing blame on her for not opening her mouth earlier? And shouldn’t we also put blame on her for not setting an example for women?
Because if you think about it, “she only made a statement…because the Police were already doing investigations”, it is completely up to her to make a statement, as the police can not force her to do something.
So where does that money go to now? I say “Veitch, get your money back mate”. As mean as this sounds, a deal is a deal and if people don’t go through with it, then its a dud…
(Mind the spelling and grammar mistakes. Cheers!)
CM213
I agree with CM213 completely. Cherie, please recognize the classic views of feminism were that of Mary Wollstonecraft, mother of the famed author of Frankenstein, Mary Shelley- she created the foundations that said the essence of feminism was against the marginalization of people against a larger oppressor. Focusing on gender relations, original feminist theory argued for the equality of men and women. She simply said that men “own” women because they are uneducated. This is not the case now, and not the case with the Veitch affair. She was educated enough, to KNOW to go to the police, but didn’t. And you call Veitch a bad spokesperson for Domestic Violence? Come off it. CM213 has it right.
Furthermore, might I add that if Mary Wollstonecraft saw what feminism has become today, she would spit the dummy. Feminism has lost its soul. It has become about blaming men, and was become so gender-centric it is laughable. On top of this, she would despise the complaining as shown in the lists below this thread, and tell you to get on with it.
Deciding relationships is about knowing how to be socially aware. I am sure that if properly educated and not vain enough to put a trophy wife or toy-boy, (like Wollstonecraft suggested) EVERYBODY would know how to stay away from the abusive partners and abusive relationships.
So, yeah, give Veitch his money back. A bad rep is the worst type of punishment.
Yes…your both right. I think thats true….feminism has lost its soul. I imangine what it would have been like….to be a bit older, in the days when Helen Clark, Judith Tizard, etc….met and had conferences for women. That would have been great to be apart of. I think that to accept money, and not make a statement…..isn’t fair on Tony. But, I also think, that sometimes people can suffer from post-tramatic stress disorder – which affects their health…following serious assault….and maybe not feel comfortable, until a year later….when they’ve been through counselling, that they fully accept and can deal with whats happened. Going to the police and making a statement is stressful….she may not have been emotional well enough, to do this at the time. She accepted the money…..but its not legally binding on her, in formulating a contract. Tony, should have got legal advice, of the possibility of this matter arising & being in this position. Money doesn’t make problems go away.
I grew up in a family, where I witness’s alot of violence….I guess I have a strong view on this…..as I believe that no violence against women is acceptable. And, I believe the harm, can be felt….for years later. We must establish in society better education against family violence and set the standards high, in prosecuting offenders….regardless.
I agree that it seems unfair that Tony has now got charges placed upon him even though Kristin accepted the money. However, assault is still assault and there should be no way that he gets away with it. I completely agree that all domestic violence cases should be prosecuted. There is no way to move forward as a society unless we stand up and say that domestic violence is just not acceptable -which ever way it might go. The government’s add campaigns on tv, in doctors surgeries etc can easily be ignored but having a “famous” person prosecuted really sends the message home. No one is above the law, and no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect
Tony Veitch is a highly recognised public figure and as such should be used as an example to send a message to the rest of New Zealand men: Under NO circumstances will domestic violence be tolerated. We need to stand firm, as this is such a huge issue in New Zealand and indeed around the world. The video that Jacqui showed us in class was disturbing and so sad, even though we have made many advances there are so many women who are still suffering and being ignored, we owe it to them to rise up and be their voice and demand justice. I think we (women) should empower ourselves, I propose we introduce new laws that make it complusory for young girls and women aged 5-90yo, to take self defence courses. The violence has to stop and women must make a stand to show this patriarchial society that we will be victims no more.