The other morning I was watching the Australian morning show and they were conducting a poll on whether fathers should be the one giving the bride away in traditional Christian weddings…Apparently the debate over this issue has been going on for a while in Sweden…Is it sexist? should mothers have a part in that too? what do you think?
here is a link,
http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/07/down-the-aisle/
Thanks
Great post James!
This reminds me of when one of my friends, Kristin, got married in Ohio, USA in about 1998. Most people my age in the US grew up in “broken families” – or what we now call “blended families”. As a result they acquire quite a few parents by the marrying age. So here was my friend Kristin trying to squeeze down the aisle with her husband to be along with her real father, her real mother, their current partners and two former partners called Dad and Mom respectively — plus her husband to be’s hoard of parents! So despite all the gender equality mythology, Sweden really is a funny place — the last bastion of monogamy. This kind of debate would never get off the ground in the US and I doubt here. Personally I didn’t bother with any give-aways; the whole thing reeks of patriarchy, whether its your Mum or your Dad leading you up the aisle…
Jacqui
Aren’t brides-to-be already empowered to make their wedding day precisely the way they want it? The last six (all in NZ, but with various nationalities represented) weddings I’ve been to featured no parents (fathers or otherwise) doing any walking whatsoever. Some interminable speeches though.
If a bride wants to have a traditional Western/Christian style wedding, then there is little choice – “tradition” is a well defined word. (The prettiest definition google gave me was “a specific practice of long standing”.)
But the thing of it is, the bride doesn’t have to choose tradition. If you want to get married on a bungee cord wearing a giant teddy bear costume, that’s your choice, no one will judge you for it. (Except maybe on grounds of taste.)
So perhaps this is an issue worthy of debate in Sweden (or other countries), but I’m interested to hear if anyone thinks this is a big deal here in NZ? What does this say about us?
If anything, I’d like to see some brides disempowered in one particular respect: stop doing such awful things to your bridesmaids’ dresses.
(I’m afraid James’ linked page isn’t working for me at the moment, so I can’t address anything from that page directly.)
We live in a free world today, New Zealand especially!
I think there is a change in society, and people are more tolerant of individual decisions to make your wedding the way you wish.
Traditions still play a part for many, and if that is their wish – they should be able to do so without judgement or persecution.
I had a different but similar situation at my brother’s wedding, however this was to do with who would be the bestman and would speak on behalf of our family.
Traditionally the groom’s bestfriend (supposedly male) is the bestman and the groom’s father speaks on behalf of the family.
Well, I am my brother’s best friend and know him best out of all the family members. Therefore he wanted me to be his ‘bestman’ and speak about him on behalf of the family. Unfortunately tradition prevailed and I was left to be a bridesmaid.
When I think about it, its quite silly that I had to be a bridesmaid for someone i barely knew only because my gender prevented me from being what I should have been – ‘Best Woman’!