Not in the name of the father
By Shelley Bridgeman
It’s 114 years since New Zealand women got the vote, Helen Clark is our second female Prime Minister, and women are starting to dismantle one of the few remaining bastions of male supremacy.
A small but growing number of women are passing their own surnames on to their children, rather than their husbands’ or partners’.
While this practice is well established in situations where the father is absent or unwilling to be involved with his children, it is increasingly being considered a viable option when the family unit is intact.
Suzanne Broadbent, 37, of Pakuranga in east Auckland, gave 8-year-old daughter Tessa her surname.
“It was purely a logical decision,” she says. “It wasn’t an emotional thing. It wasn’t a feminist thing.
“It was just: this is silly, that boys and girls get their father’s name.”
Suzanne’s son, Taylor, 9, has the surname of her partner, David Rooney, 35. “He may have preferred to have both his children with his name, but there’s always got to be a little bit of compromise,” she says. “Obviously, I’ve compromised by my son having his father’s last name.”
show_ad_tag(‘http://ads.apn.co.nz’,’NZH’,’SEC’,’NATIONAL’,’STY’,’300X250′,”,”);Both of 36-year-old Nelson woman Sharon Gibson’s daughters – Milla, 4, and Stella, 2 – have her surname. Before the gender of their first child was known, she and husband Wayne Pool, 46, decided girls would be given Sharon’s name and boys given his. “That seemed fair. It seemed odd to us to accept the fact that your children get the husband’s name,” she says. “This works really well. The only down side is that I figure people who don’t know us might think that Wayne’s not the father.”
Feilding mum Rachael McLaughlin, 24, passed her surname down to daughters Leah, 3, and Shania, 2. Pragmatism rather than ideology drove the decision.
Around the time of Leah’s birth, a convicted murderer from Masterton with the same surname as her partner Martyn Howse, 27, was back in the media, and Martyn was keen that his daughter not be associated with that high-profile case.
“He wanted to give our second daughter his last name, though,” says Rachael. But having grown up in a household as the child with the odd surname out, she promptly vetoed that suggestion.
“It was horrible. I’d never put that on a child.”
Maureen Molloy, women’s studies professor at the University of Auckland, says she’s observed a raft of unconventional naming options, including using the mother’s name.
“I guess the message is that people have more choice. It’s partly feminism, that kind of egalitarianism that women are no longer absorbed under their husbands’ identity.”
Chairperson of the Auckland branch of the Celebrants Association of New Zealand Kerry-Ann Stanton believes it’s a trend that is likely to gain momentum. While she hasn’t personally performed a naming ceremony for a child receiving its mother’s surname, she knows of instances where that has occurred.
“As more women keep their maiden names, I imagine, it will trickle through into giving children their surnames, especially as more women start to realise it’s only a social convention that a child is given the father’s surname,” she says.
So entrenched is the patriarchal naming tradition, it’s often believed that parents are legally obliged to give a child her or his father’s surname. In fact, the Department of Internal Affairs advises that a child may be given any surname, provided it doesn’t cause offence or bump the length of the full name over 100 characters.
What happened to the traditional way of hyphening your surnames?
JoanneC 213
Joanne,
This is so interesting — can I ask where the article comes from – which NZ newspaper/journal?
Jacqui
haha,
it was something i read in May in the NZ Herald. i thought it was amazing how something like a name can be ‘feminised’ if that possible!
JoanneC 213
i agree with Joanne, hyphening is a productive metho of establishing a last name
not only does it recognise the mother but legitimises the question of whether the father is part of the family equation.
yes, it is just a social convention, and the question of the father being legitimate is merely a stem of that, but perhaps two wrongs dont make a right comes into play here.
we realise that men are wrong to exclude women in the naming of the child, and i turn we could realise that we know how it feels, and rise above men, to include both lastnames in the childs surname?
I suppose it is a social convention and norm for the last name to be that of the male. But in some cutural instances the last name of a male is what gives the male offspring their heridetary rights to land etc rather then if they were to have the mothers maiden name because it makes it confusing.
i suppose now though the hyphen-inclusion of both last names is becoming more common which i absoulotely support because I appreciate, recognise and appreciate both family sides. And being a female i am not eligible for land ownership despite being the daughter of the eldest son and so forth.
thats interesting that although you are the eldest daughter of the eldest son, you are not entitled to land ownership. forgive my ignorance, but being Malaysian by birth, i dont know if this only happens in NZ or everywhere else in the world?
on a personal note, i would think of hyphening my children’s names, i think. i should ask my mother why she dint think of it! 🙂
I think I understand your comment. It i strange that I cannot inherit land though im the eldest but it is a practise. Also what is intersting is that also with land ownership is if you are half-caste (one parent is non-Tongan) then there are also specific pre-req.for land entitlements.
Now dont quote me but I think it goes something like if the Dad is Tongan and the mother not the sons are still entitled but if it is the other way around it isnt allowed. I also heard this was the issue for getting a passport.
Im pretty sure this is right unless they changed the rules.
This isnt (cultural) hereditary land rights for NZ though.
In one of our tutorials we were shown a video clip where the President of the United States was a female (cant remember the programme) and also in class we discussed the influence the wives that men of high political power have.
Now I thought it was interesting on Desperates Housewives (yes I know.lol) that Gaby was married to the mayor because she thought that she woukd be able to wield power being his wife (HIS WIFE-Power in a name??).She accidentally overheard him talking to his father that the reason why he married her was to get the Latino vote.
Not only is this misleading to gain the trust of a minority race, but women having that soft-power of influence. though in this case it was by misleading information.
Power in a name and status (in a different context)-though its a fictional programme it was a good example.